HA jokes

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Every culture has weird food.

Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

What has eyes but can't see?

Potatoes, storms, and needles.

Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder!

Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...

Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.

Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?

Because it has a tender behind.

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?

One has more channels.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a drawer?

The drawer has papers.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’