HA jokes
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Memes
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a drawer?
The drawer has papers.
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.