Guys jokes

Hunter

    • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

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    • Personal space

    • Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

    Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

    A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

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    • Printer

    • I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

    "Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

    "Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

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    • Guy

    • Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

    I guess it really IS all in the execution.

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    • Condom

    • The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

    So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

    Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

    Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

    Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

    Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

    The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

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    • Genie

    • This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

    The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

    The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

    The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

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