Guy jokes

What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

What’s black, white, and red all over?

An embarrassed biracial guy.

What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?

"Like ur cute g."

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.

What did the emo say to the popular kid?

"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."

Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D

What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy?

Fat guy: Does this look fat on me?

Skinny guy: No, I don’t think it’s that.

Fat guy: Thinking.

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

Need an arch? I Noah guy.

To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!