Guy

Guy jokes

Assault

    • A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.

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    • Draft

    • So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

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    • Name

    • There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

    One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

    Police: "What’s you name?"

    Shut Up: "Shut Up."

    Police: "Where's your manners?!"

    Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

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    • Name

    • Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

    Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

    Angela: His name is Kevin.

    Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

    Angela: I don't know.

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    • Guy memes

    Superman

    • A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

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    • Post

    • The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

    He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

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    • Spring

    • These two guys were texting each other.

    Guy 1: How are you?

    Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*

    Guy 1: ???

    Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)

    Comment

    • Hello everyone, I am famous YouTuber MrBeast. I have an announcement to make on this website: Whoever gets the 1000th comment on the post I link below will get 1 thousand dollars, from me! We're almost there, get commenting guys!

    https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603e8cd3eccd25122cb21897/guys-lets-make-this-post-have-the-most-comments-on-the-whole-website

    Orphan

    • What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

    Apples get picked. Lel. I hope you guys like this joke.

    Bitch

    • "You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.

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    • Necrophilia

    • So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

    When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

    He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

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    • Job

    • When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

    So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

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    • Mushroom

    • A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"