Guy jokes
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Technoblade was the second worst thing that happened to orphans.
Guys, they weren’t always orphans!
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.
The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."
So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"