We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class. I started playing the angry birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like an bomb, and I landed on the ground
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
fall
what is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree? the leaf falls to the ground the emo just hangs there
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."
The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle. So i went up a step and said "It's other Anakin I have the high ground!"
what do call a burning orphan in a wheel chair? Hotwheels What hit the ground first the orphan or the apple? The apple the orphan never hit they ground.
If ypu were to drop an emo & a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first
The leaf cuz the emo is always hanging
wow he stole my antideprresive toy. the next day he was on the ground
My girlfriend is growing watermelons not in the ground though (we had fun that night)
I was playing football with my friends and i got tackled and got a penalty suddenly the ground started shaking and penaldo emerged from the mud and he till the penalty but since it wasn’t andorra he missed. Shame on you penaldo!
What happens to freedom towers got hit they stepped in ground 0
what hits the ground first a apple or a emo girl..... the rope would catch her
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building who would hit the ground 1st? The brunette because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions! ⬆️⬇️➡️⬅️
🎶Rock a bye baby on the tree Top, when the wind blows the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, not moving a muscle not making a sound.🎶
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf. Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the psg training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE🤬😡
I caught my wife cheating on me. I beet my son and grounded him.
School was fun but it was hard almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed? Ground beef
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away? Get to the ground beef
