Good jokes
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."