Good jokes
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
you.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”