Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Good night, boys.
I like goodies.
i dicked ur mom down so good bitch
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning how are you today
What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good
yo mama so fat it took nationwide three years to get on her good side
Hey John, how are you going?
Helium, yeah good, what about you?
(Hey Liam)
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
Good morning? Goodbye!
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
