New Good Jokes - Page 38 - Worst Jokes Ever

What did the knight say when he went to bed?

"Good Knight!" lul

Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?

Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!

Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?

Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!

Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?

Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...

TWO HOURS LATER

Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

You know we straight with doin' your mom

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

You know we straight with doin' your mom

I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!

I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.

Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young

To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

You know we straight with doin' your mom

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"