I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
Hope this is good!
You're just big and good.
"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"
"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.
I worry about him sometimes.
What does Finn Wolfhard do when he makes a good joke?
He drops the Mike.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
If the USA is so good,
Why did they make a USB?
Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading?
Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.
I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.
