Girls jokes

Period

  • What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?

    "Period, oh period, oww!"

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  • Weed

  • Peaches-REMAKE-By-Justin Beiber and watersharky Music Productions-

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    And I see you (oh), the way I breathe you in (in), it's the texture of your skin

    I wanna wrap my arms around you, baby, never let you go, oh

    And I say, oh, there's nothing like your touch

    It's the way you lift me up, yeah

    And I'll be right here with you 'til the end

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    You ain't sure yet, but I'm for ya

    All I could want, all I can wish for

    Nights alone that we miss more

    And days we save as souvenirs

    There's no time, I wanna make more time

    And give you my whole life

    I left my girl, I'm in Mallorca

    Hate to leave her, call it torture

    Remember when I couldn't hold her

    Left her baggage for Rimowa

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    I get the feeling, so I'm sure (sure)

    Hand in my hand because I'm yours

    I can't, I can't pretend, I can't ignore you're right for me

    Don't think you wanna know just where I've been, oh

    Done being distracted

    The one I need is right in my arms (oh)

    Your kisses taste the sweetest with mine

    And I'll be right here with you 'til end of time

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    (I get my light right from the source, yeah, yeah)

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it)

    I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit)

    I get my weed from California (that's that shit)

    I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch)

    I get my light right from the source, yeah (yeah, that's it).

    Girl

  • Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

    Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

    Rachel: Alright!

    On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

    Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

    Soap

  • Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.

    Guy: Let's drop the soap.

    Girl: Let's do it!

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  • Name

  • A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

    Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

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  • Drug

  • Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.

    Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).

    Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.

    Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.

    Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.

    Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.

    MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.

    LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.

    Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.

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  • Plane

  • There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

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  • Relationship

  • I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

    I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

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  • Benefit

  • Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

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