Girls Jokes

A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

she died the next morning.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

How did the gay girl die? Homicide.

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...

Girl, scan the code on your wrist!

I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.

"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.

"Indeed, they are," he was told.

"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"