Girls Jokes

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?

Hang 'em high.

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!

You know boys have balls. Girls have balls, too.

A still from Fight Club shows two men, one labeled "Bro" and the other "Me," walking at night, with text above them. The text says: Girl: "I haven't had a boyfriend for 3 months." Bro: who never had a girlfriend. Me: who hasn't talked to a woman in years.

Hey baba girl, I have balls, you know.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

What do you call emo girls?

Cutting boards.

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?

"Period, oh period, oww!"

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

What do 7 year old girls want?

To be ate!

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.