Gift jokes
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”