I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
What did Stephen Hawkings get for his BDay, Chocolate arm.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana
will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today! beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that! will: Yey! beverly: What should we bring him? will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* come in the bucket!
So my friends birthday is in a couple of day's, and I was wondering what to get him. He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers'
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas. -herpes
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
this is my fidget spinner, i got it in my easter basket.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
To start im a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off" I said. He said "then you try it". He gave me the Santa suit and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Robin asks Batman what are you getting your parents for Christmas Batman gets mad slaps Robin and runs off crying
now you know why Batman beyond was born when Bruce died cause of death: suicide
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What did sally get for Easter.. Nail polish,
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017 it’s now 2018 and I’m still waiting for him to open it
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
