On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Guys what should i be for Halloween (aka tmr)?????????
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
We aren't ghost, but I'll take you under the sheets
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
What’s a ghost’s favorite type of pants?
BOO-TY JEANS!
What do you call a rapper who's afraid of GHOSTS?
MC Shiver
Why was the rapper afraid of ghosts?
Because they kept BOOING him off STAGE
Why did the ghost become a rapper?
Because he had some UNEARTHLY flow
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt? A. They call an AmBOOlance.
I told my wife i needed a blood transfusion when i could not remember she said be positive to. Bad i am now a ghost wrighting this
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Ur mom so stupid that she thought that Seventeen has four ghost members.
Boo 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (so scary right)
What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?
Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
It was a important knockout game for Al Nassr 🔥 I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play, It was my dream for a long time 🤩 I took a cab to the stadium but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead 😔 As soon as I entered the house I saw a ghost☠️ but the very next moment I realized its my idolo Ronaldo 🥳 Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me 😭♥️
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
How do you get rid of a fat ghost: You excersize it.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called 'serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude come on you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
