Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
Get Jokes
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
School sucks, just like you, get roasted nerds.
If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.
To RANDYYYY,
Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.
-ALYA with love
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
What is it that a 🤔 😳 👀 😕 physicality handicapped ♿ male prostitute can do on his own very well without getting any help from his male friends that are gay like himself?
Perform fellatio on a 👨 👨 👬 gay man.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
