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Get jokes

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.

Why did your parents abandon you?

Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Only one of them gets picked...

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?

A. They never get old.

Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."

Guys we should stop making orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad... oh wait... Continue 🙂

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