Get jokes
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they open up a shop.
Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?
You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Cos every time they get a corner, they open a shop.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.
You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕