Fruit jokes
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
Fucking Fruit!
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
What is yellow and smells like bananas?
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.