Fruit jokes
I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
I thought fruit tasted good. I guess I was wrong.
You're an apple. Now suck my dick!
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
Fucking Fruit!