Fruit jokes
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"Breathe... Breathe..."
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange who?" "Orange you coming?"
What do you call a pineapple? P.P.A.P. LOLLLLOLOLOLLOL9LOOLKOK.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
What did the banana say to his neighbor? Yellow!
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
What do lemons 🍋 wear in the rain?
Yellow jackets.
Why don’t oranges 🍊 go around blind?
Because they take Vitamin See!
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?
The banana 🍌 split.
Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What is a superhero’s 🦸♀️ favorite drink?
Fruit punch!