Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
I have a friend called Jakob and asked him, "Where my crackers are?"
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Hi, Charlie, is your friend?
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my was kicked, let's be friends?
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
