How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
Football Jokes
Why do orphans hate playing sports in school?
Because they never get picked.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
When men watch football but not the women's version maybe there.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
Eibar-Man! Eibar-Man! Does whatever a ghost can.
Scores a tapin With Xaviesta’s assistance. Misses a pen From close distance.
Lookout! Here comes the Eibar-man!
Why did Jesus play football?
He was Spanish, ayo.
I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me!
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?
You'll Never Walk Alone.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.
Who's supposed to be the goat?
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.
That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!
