What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
American- I've never shot a gun African- That's the first coming from an American
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy. His first line ruined it. 'You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand.'
In about ten days Stephen Hawkings wheelchair is going to have its first and last service
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
how to make a baby make funny faces Put it feet first in a blender
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Girls Are Yummy Stupid
Are Really Erectable
Tasty Honey Ejaculable
Booty Everything Sucking Titties
Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D
If you were a booger id pick you first
Chuck Norris lit a campfire and humans saw the sun for the first time.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms ~ knock knock who's there? not sally ~ what first went through sally's head when the nazis came? a bullet ~ where did sally go when the bomb exploded? everywhere ~ what did sally get for christmas? a bike
Where did the cow go on his first date, to the moovies
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
