I can’t watch anime anymore when my friends grandpa is in the house
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE AHAHAH
I was kicked out of a orphanage kitchen because I yelled hurry up some of us have homes to get back to.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Son asks dad “how much does marriage cost?”
Dad: “i don’t know son I’m still paying for it”
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy and his owner beats him.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush
my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed". I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there son".
Christopher’s Mom said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out Christopher was adopted.
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
i'll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket: "hey, look how far i can kick this bucket!!"
