Family jokes

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?

Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don’t know where home is.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because there's no home.

What is the difference between an apple tray and an orphan? The apples get picked.

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

I smacked an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One gets picked.

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo mama so fat, she took both sides of the family.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t find the home button!

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.

Mommy?