Family jokes

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?

At least Daniel has a mom.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.

All they will talk about is how great their family is.

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

Orphan: I love abcdefu!

Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.

Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t find the home button!

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

Mommy?

How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

What do orphans in Batman have in common? They'll never see their parents again.