Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find a home.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.
Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know home base.
Why does my brother have no mom?
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
Your mom is so fat, that burger.
You so gay you have a fat sis and?
Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"