Family jokes
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they have no home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
Why did the orphan misbehave in school?
Because the principal couldn't call their parents.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
Why can't an orphan build a website? Because it won't have a homepage.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Bully: Ha, guess what?
Nerd: What?
Bully: You are adopted.
Nerd: At least I was wanted!
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why do orphans hate playing sports in school?
Because they never get picked.
Why wasn’t the orphan able to finish his cereal?
His parents never brought back the milk.