Family jokes

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?

Dad:

Why do my kids die?

Stinky Oussy :D

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"