Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Family Jokes
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.
Why do orphans hate hide and seek?
Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
