Family jokes
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?
B: Because today we had a parent meetup.
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
Why can't orphans steal bases?
Because they can't find home.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"