Family jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?

Homemade.

Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology.

An orphan came out of the closet to their parents as gay. Oh wait...

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?

One is wanted.

I like abusing orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Your mom #69.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t have a home to run to.

Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."

Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because there was a dad on the other side.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.