Family jokes

When your cousin who has a lisp died from the impostor in Among Us,

"THE IMPASTA KILLED MEH!"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't reach home.

Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?

A surprise adoption!!

Incest.

When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

Why do orphans always get picked on? They can't run and tell their parents.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

You wanna know what's a concept? An orphan being homeschooled.

My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”