Family jokes
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?
They can't have sex.
"Why?"
Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!