What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Family Jokes
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?
They can't have sex.
"Why?"
Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
What's an orphan's favorite meme?
Homer going into a bush.
Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
All orphans must hate the LGBTQIA+ because they are home-o-phobic.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
