Family jokes

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To get to the real estate agent.

I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.

Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.

Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?

Because dad never came back with the milk.

What issues don't orphans have?

Daddy issues.

What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?

They're both filled with happy little accidents.

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!

I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.

What would they do? Go to their family?

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?

Daughter: *tooth hurty*

Dad: All right.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)

Why do orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.