Family jokes

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!

Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?

Daughter: *tooth hurty*

Dad: All right.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)

Why do orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture?

A self-portrait.

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.

The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"

The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.

If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?