Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
Family Jokes
What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Joseph Jackson wants Michael's kids to tour as the Jackson 3.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
