Family jokes
What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy.
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
Why was the orphan so bad at baseball?
He couldn't find home.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.