Family jokes
Your mom stinks.
That is my joke.
You mom doesn’t really stink.
I know I am stupid. 🤕
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.
It doesn’t have a home button.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
What did the orphan say to the parent?
Oh, wait!
You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.