Family jokes

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOF!"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.

I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.

What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked his mom.

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

What do you call an orphan with parents?

Idk, I never met one before.

Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."

Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.

More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?

An orphan.

Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?

Because they can’t find one.

lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!

What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?

Long sleeves.

One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

Have you heard the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Great saying.

Not so great way to find out you are adopted.

Why don’t orphans play football?

They have no home field.

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.