Family

Family jokes

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Condom

  • My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

    Dad

  • My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.

    Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.

    Orphan

  • If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

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    Orphan

  • joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

    zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

    joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

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  • Orphan

  • Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

    Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

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    Abuse

  • *The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*

    *My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

    Well what am I gonna do now...

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    Orphan

  • Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

    Orphan: What's a mama?

    Random kid: *shook*