Family jokes
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
Why was the orphan so bad at baseball?
He couldn't find home.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?