Family jokes

Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.

Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.

Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Son, what is 1 plus 1?

Dad, I don't know.

Son, it is 2.

Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.

Me: I want a PS5.

Dad: Alright, I will say no.

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

"Rape is funny until it's your little sister or daughter getting raped."

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

Why can't orphans tell jokes?

They have no one to tell them to, people.

Why do orphans play GTA? They finally wanted a family.

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

Why is an orphan gay? Because they can call somebody "daddy."

I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

I saw an orphan and asked them if they had parent permission.

Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?

So he could be in a lovely family before death.

I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.