How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Family Jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make it home.
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”
Why can you bully orphans?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy."
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
