Family jokes
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Why did the orphan play baseball?
To find home base.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
Mom, (DYM 147)
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
Little Johnny was at home and then he went to his grandma's house. He went there to cuss so he wouldn't get in trouble, and secretly, Grandma called his momma to come pick him up.
Momma asked what Little Johnny did, and she said he cussed and cussed and cussed. Granny had enough and called Mom again. Momma said Little Johnny was grounded for 2 weeks, and Little Johnny cussed some more. Now he grounded for 3 weeks.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Me: Can you give me some drumsticks to eat?
Brother: Why though?
Me: So I can just drum up an appetite.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Did you know that if you go into an orphanage and tell them a "yo mama" joke, they won’t get it?