Family jokes
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why aren't orphans gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
Why do orphans like to be gay?
So they can call someone "daddy."
Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
When does a kid become an orphan?
When the parents leave.
When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.