Family jokes
Why do orphans miss half their basketball games? Cause they don't have home games.
An orphan is at a barbecue and is getting food. A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come back.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why are orphans whores?
Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.