Family jokes

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because his mom and dad are in every episode!

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?

Shut up and cut the coke.

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

Why did the orphans have in common? They both don't have parents.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?

A face full of sperm.

I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"

He started crying.

Why do orphans hate playing baseball?

'Cause they can't get a home run.

Why is it better to date an orphan?

Their parents are never home.

If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.