Family jokes
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
He wanted to be wanted.
Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.
Why can't orphans play cricket?
'Cause they don't know where the home is.
My sister said she was as fat as a coconut, so I threw one at her and she was right.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
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Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
Why did the chicken cross the road why? Because they wanted to kick someone in the family.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Why do orphans play GTA? To get wanted.
Your mom.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
If you're an orphan, it must be pretty hard taking "your mom" jokes.