Family jokes
My sister said she was as fat as a coconut, so I threw one at her and she was right.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
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Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
Why did the chicken cross the road why? Because they wanted to kick someone in the family.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Why do orphans play GTA? To get wanted.
Your mom.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
If you're an orphan, it must be pretty hard taking "your mom" jokes.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball games? Cause they don't have home games.
An orphan is at a barbecue and is getting food. A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come back.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.