Family jokes
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Why do orphans play GTA?
'Cause they're actually wanted.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home.
If you’re bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel actually has family.
Why do orphans suck at homework?
Because they don’t have a home.
What do orphans and deaf people have in common?
They can't hear their parents.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
I'm an orphan, lol.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."