Family jokes
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.
My life is so sad it's because you're in it.
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why don’t orphans have phones?? Because their parents can’t buy them one.
If you hit 9999 orphans and they all tell each other, are the other orphans their parents???
Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
I look at your bro.
And all I can see is the real definition of *"Lack of Grace!"*
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't go home.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.
What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.