Family jokes
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
They have no one to call daddy.
Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?
Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."
I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.
Why is your mom ugly, bozo?
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
Q: Why can orphans never be criminals?
A: Because they're never wanted.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know what home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home plate.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't have a home to go to.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"