What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting you up for adoption.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.