Fair

Fair jokes

Bear

    • The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."

  • 0

    • Schizophrenia

    • Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

    The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

    Delusions

    Hallucinations

  • 1

    • Girlfriend

    • My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

  • 1
    • Fair memes

    Horse

    • A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

    One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

  • 1

    • Cancer

    • Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

    Apology

    • If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!

  • 0

    • Schizophrenia

    • Symptoms of Schizophrenia

    The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

    Delusions

    Hallucinations

  • 0

    • Woman

    • Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

    "Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

    I suppose that was a fair compromise!

  • 1

    • Cow

    • Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.

    They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.

  • 0

    • Fairy Tale

    • My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

  • 1

    • Funeral

    • My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

    So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

  • 4

    • Gambler

    • The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."

  • 2

    • Pimp

    • Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

    He always gets a great turnout.

  • 0