Fact jokes

I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.

I went to a feminist picnic the other day.

It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

Everybody was kung flu dying.

It traveled as fast as lightning.

2020 was expert timing.

In fact, it was a little bit frightening.

Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

What is the strongest weapon in India?

The red button (this is a fact).

Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.

In fact, they hang with them!

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"

The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."

The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."

The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."

"I am. But the steaks are too high."

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.

I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.

Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?

Fun fact: The max comments on a joke on this website is 1000! (LINK IN COMMENTS FOR PROOF)