Eye

Eye Jokes

Asshole

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

Rapist

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

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  • Eagle

    How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?

    Because they both have eyes.

    Dad

    Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

    Some kid: "Yeah?"

    Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

    Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

    Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

    *The kid laughs*

    Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

    Nun

    Why do nuns walk in groups?

    So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

    Eyebrow

    Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

    Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

    Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

    People

    Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?

    They have to see food to eat.

    Skin

    I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

    Football

    Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball, Laquon Treadwell!

    Eyeball

    What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.

    Divorce

    Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

    ". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

    Divorce is scheduled for next month.

    Fun Fact

    10 Fun Facts.

    1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

    Something

    What did the right eye say to the left eye?

    "Between you and me, something smells!"