never trust a Justin, he is mad up of atom that makes up everything
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. -- What a waste of thyme.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms? Because everything they do is in vein Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
what do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
spoiled milk
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight
School was fun but it was hard almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
I won't reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here... Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar
Why do nuns not wear bra's? God supports everything.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia."
"Wait! I can explain everything."
STOP SAYING NEGATIVE SHIT ABOUT DARK HUMOUR JOKES!! IF IT BUGS YOU THAT BAD THEN GO AWAY!! THAT'LL SOLVE EVERYTHING BUT WORLD HUNGER AND FAILED ABORTION
I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
me: "you wanna see my dad" some kid: "yeah?" me: "close your eyes and he will appear" some kid: "he ain't appearing" me: "sorry i thought he would appear for you. he won't appear for me" *the kid laughs"
moral: not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on 🙃
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
Wait, I can explain everything!
