I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long
I ordered a pizza with everything on it but I got a plan pizza
"Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia." Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder. Midget: Hey! What’s up? Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly. I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking but she said she didn't want any. When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up. The grandmother says: Hey, jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad! Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks jantje to help her stand up. Jantje anwsers: No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad.
Bosses are like seagulls. They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out? The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Everything is made in China, except babies... they are made in Vachina.
Riddles not jokes
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
and last one
What can rule, but not command?
Tell meh the answers in the comments
like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
1 more thing: DoN"t google it or search it up, use ur brain to answer these.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'
Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.
when I see the little brother in a video get everything i try t and get grounded ;-;
Q I Iike elephants A everything else is inrrelephant
Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok there just telling me to keep myself safe :)
that's it, it wasn't a joke.
