Everybody jokes
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!
He's a hot babe and he's single.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
What do orphans and homework have in common?
Everybody forgets about them.
Everybody does this
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*
Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!
SHUT UP EVERYBODY!
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?
Hello everybody, now who here have watched Skurry?
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...