Everybody Jokes

Guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells:who the fuck fucked my wife. Everybody silent for a second then the bartender said:mate you ain't got enough bullets

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody- *pulls out noose* 'COME HANG'... *pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

What’s the difference between candy and a orphan. Candy is something everybody wants.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I am like mushrooms. Nobody likes me but everybody tolerates me.

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.

Everybody add @christianisni22 on snap!!

Hes a hot babe and he's single

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is brain, the brother's name is nobody and the sister's name is everybody. One day, nobody killed everybody and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, ''NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!'' ''Sir, are you okay?'' The police asked. ''I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!'' The father yelled even louder. ''Are you mad?'' The police asked. ''Yes because my name is Mad!'' The father exclaimed. ''Where's your brain?'' Asked the police. ''At home because my wife name is Brain.'' The father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do orphans and homework have in common? Everybody forgets about them

peoples music when friends are around : *rock*

when the are gone: "Come on vamonos, everybody let's go"

hello everybody its me mariplier and today im goin to be balling at freddys

Quite Kid: *reaches into bag* Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN

Hello everybody now who here have watched Skurry

guess what everybody im dumb in math im dumb and stupid at math

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me....