Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we."
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
Today in 3rd grade english the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take ur clothes off?" Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "you can't ask that." The english teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired." Finally Little Tim raises his hand, "the shower ma'am." The english teacher clapped her hands, "good job Tim and as for you Elsa you do not have the body for that."
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr colin, who loves making a din, he thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, that's not what everyone shows, about his life he ploughs and ploughs, about his dog bella and his relation-ship woes... mr colin, we do not care, when you speak, our minds are not there, your life you have unnecessarily shared, when we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr colin, rumbling about his exceptions, just when someone puts something in the bin, or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, but Mr Colin, drinking too much gin, will flail all his annoying attention on him, he'll push his limits, right to the rim... And just how i love flan~ Oh he's finally gone~
@DreamBlue
A America bully goes up to a English kid and says "your ugly" and the English kid says "well wanna know why you can't play Jenga?" "Why" says the bully "beacuse you haven't got a tower.
America: Saying, “ I beg your pardon” in British English is like saying; “ What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?”
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh Im SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
„You’re not going to have time to finish this,“ the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. „Yes I will,“ replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
„No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.“ The student looked incredulous and angry. „Do you know who I am?“
„No, as a matter of fact I don’t,“ replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. „Do you know who I am?“ the student asked again. „No, and I don’t care,“ replied the professor with an air of superiority. „Good,“ replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American web site please speak English and I don’t speak whatever European language that is😊
i once called a depressed guy why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone (im not englishs so i could've talked bad)
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London ?
All the exit signs were in English
Where’s the English Channel?” Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
Why are the English so bad at chess? Bc they lost their queen.
Russians be like bfddrhnnkhsaxbjk speak English!
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing and there mom walked in and said "HEY LANGUAGE!!" and I just said ENGLISH BITCH!
What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?
The entire english innings
