Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
You're overreacting.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
Knock knock. Who's there? Crippling depression. Crippling depression who? Me.
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.
At my most fear, I shit my pants.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
Why did potassium draw a tear that would result in him crying?
Because all of his friends argon.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
